In an abusive relationship, unfortunately love is twisted into something ugly and evil and it is preyed upon. Love means you fight for the one you love. The victim is supposed to be fighting for the relationship, supposed to be fighting for love, supposed to be wondering what is going wrong and trying to fix it, supposed to care. The thing is.the victim is just doing what one is supposed to do when in an intimate relationship. Because one loves his/her abuser (not realizing that abuse is happening at the time) they spend all of their time trying to figure out what it is, trying to fix it, trying to make him/her happy again.make him/her love them again. This leaves the victim wondering what it is that is different, what it is that is wrong.knowing that something is off but not being able to put one’s finger on it and racking one’s brain trying to figure it out. It occurs in the most subtle tweaks to reality. It breaks down a victim subtly day-to-day over time, without him or her even realizing it is happening. A truly skillful abuser stops just short of physical ing emotional abuse predominantly to control his/her victim. In my experience, both personally and professionally, this is the most debilitating and insidious form of abuse. Contrary to popular belief, being chosen as a victim means this person is strong, not weak! Now.back to emotional abuse…Įxamples of emotional abuse are: making someone feel guilty, put-downs, humiliating someone, making someone feel bad about themselves, playing mind games, calling someone names, making someone think they are crazy, i.e. If a victim does not have a lot to give over an extended amount of time, they are not a good source and will not be chosen. They need victims to be able to zap energy from. If an abuser’s tactics were easy to see, they wouldn’t be very good at abusing, now would they? And, it just so happens, that abusers choose their victims based on supply. If they had been in your shoes, they wouldn’t have seen it either. Please, don’t let anyone who is judging you (which is very common.called victim-shaming) make you believe that this is something that you should have seen or should be ashamed of. When you are in love with someone, you simply don’t see what would be visible if love wasn’t part of the picture. These signs were so subtle that there is no way that a survivor could recognize them in a relationship. In retrospect, the first signs of abuse in my relationship began with very subtle emotional abuse.
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